


The Universe Is Riding Off With You

by ominousrum



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, F/M, Heavy Angst, Lots of fucking angst, season 5 spec fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:12:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9797918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ominousrum/pseuds/ominousrum
Summary: The universe has carried off her love, her ever fixed point, and the stars themselves are confused.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from Days of Candy lyrics by Beach House

Emma Swan doesn’t want to be alone, even now when she can’t really speak more than monosyllables confirming her acceptance of tea being placed in front of her. She’s trying ( _oh god is she trying_ ) to keep her armour off and hold the people she still has close. 

But now watching the sadness in their eyes is like staring into the sun, each second burning truth she doesn’t need into her. She can’t look away. 

The loft feels suffocating now, despite the high ceilings. The world is very small and confined in its misery. The universe has carried off her love, her ever fixed point, and the stars themselves are confused. 

“I want to go to our- the house,” Emma manages to string together enough words for a sentence. Fresh tears follow the “our” now dead on her tongue and she wonders for a moment when the distance between was and is will come. 

_(Possibly never is the answer she fears most)._

“We’ll stay with you,” Snow says softly, “We just need to get a few things for Neal to bring with us.”

Her mother’s face is the worst to watch, she thinks. It’s more than sorrow, more than sympathy. It’s guilt and disappointment and _failure_ that her daughter no longer has her true love. 

Emma shakes her head no as her vision blurs again, salt claiming her skin. 

“Emma, you shouldn’t be alone-” David starts, a hand gently squeezing her shoulder.

“It’s too much.” The metal of the ring digs into her palm as she channels herself into it. Thankful for a tangible reminder of her pirate at hand. Her **_true love_** , she corrects, a wave of grief descending in sharp inhales. 

“I’ll go,” Henry volunteers, a small smile solely for her benefit gracing his lips. “It can be just you and me.”

“Okay, kid,” Emma offers a watery nod. Regina is kind enough to poof her and Henry to where they want to be; a sad smile of goodbye to them before disappearing herself. 

***

 

The house is dark and cold, almost sterile in its emptiness. Henry makes quick work of turning on every light, even finding a few candles to set aflame in the process. She blinks and a blanket is wrapped around her shoulders. Another blink and a box of tissues is at her side on the sofa. Time is a funny beast when even seconds seem infinite. 

“Do you think you can eat something? You haven’t really eaten anything more than toasts in weeks, mom.” Henry is always the voice of reason, she thinks; a merciful reprieve of amusement flitting through her mind. 

“Not sure,” she gives a hollow laugh, “I guess I should, though.”

“I’ll go to Granny’s and get us some grilled cheese. Anything else you need?”

Emma falters, fists balling as she struggles to push away the scream wanting to slip out of her throat. The only thing she needs is what she can never have again and she wants to scream his name until all sound leaves her lungs. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Henry hugs her tightly a minute as she steadies her breathing. 

Her legs carry her towards the spyglass before she understands the whys and hows, the cool of the metal constant under her palm. Henry finds her there on his return, pulling up a chair beside her and wordlessly offering her an onion ring. 

Emma’s senses, surprised though she may be that they still exist, get the better of her and the scent of onion rings and grilled cheese prove too powerful to resist. 

“Who came up with the name?” Emma voice loosens as a swig of root beer glides down her throat. 

“What?”

“Operation Light Swan.”

“Ah,” Henry grins through a mouthful of grease, “it was a joint effort.”

“I’m glad you two got to have your own operation,” she says, the word two breaking the floodgates again as tears spill from her eyes. 

“I’m glad I knew him,” Henry’s voice cracks and her stomach churns as she watches her son. She hopes if nothing else she can teach him he doesn’t need armour. “I wished I could have told him that.”

“He- Killian was so proud of you, Henry,” his name on her lips brings his face to her mind and she shudders a sob as the memory smiles at her. “He knew he couldn’t replace-” The words die at the tears sliding down Henry’s cheeks and it takes a thus far untapped well of strength for her to continue. 

“He would have loved for us to be a family.” 

Henry drags the back of his hand across his nose and sniffs. 

“I didn’t think he was good enough for you at first, you know,” he lets out a short laugh as Emma’s eyebrows shoot up. 

“I mean, I thought he was just a villain. A pirate who was only concerned with himself.”

“Well, you weren’t alone in that line of thinking I’m sure, kid.”

“Then I got to know him and found out things weren’t nearly as simple as that.” Henry says solemnly, eyes still shining. “I learned that pirates can have more honour than anyone.”

“The fearsome Captain Hook,” Emma laughs, cheeks still wet as she pictures Killian’s smile as bright and wide, the tenderness in his gaze still causing her heart to speed up, even as only a memory. 

“He taught me that heroes aren’t always who we think they are.” 

“Hero may not be a strong enough word to accurately describe Killian Jones,” Emma feels the vise constricting her heart loose a fraction, gratitude edging to join the sorrow in her mind. 

“Agreed.” Henry wraps an arm around her shoulders and they sit, quiet as their memories of the man unspoken as they play out for each of them.  

Emma lets her eyes close, wincing at the action. Every pore on her skin is raw, her tears wearing away its surface with a ferocity that scares her. The physicality of her anguish is so _tiring_. 

Killian had once given her a piece of sea glass, smoothed from years of salt water; the erosion giving way to a different life. Maybe she too would rise from this grief and come out new. Forever changed but somehow still whole, re-purposed in its function. All armour washed away. 

***

 

It’s Henry’s suggestion to relocate the base for Operation Light Swan to the Jolly Roger the next day and Emma is quick to agree.

It would be a hero and a pirate’s life for them.


End file.
